2004-12-31 - 9:50 a.m.
There is an obvious contrast between outside control and personal freedom. I have always valued the latter, but the former appears extremely appealing at this point. Enough failed decisions and bad choices to last three or four people through to worldly knowledge. I tire continuously. How can someone my age be so tired. Tired of waiting and trying. I feel like I give it up now. I feel lately I have no tolerance for anything or one. I like my music more than anything else. More than my writing even. In a sense I am acting like Anias Nin. Granted, I am not a delusional female Cuban, but I am spoiled, promiscuous, and selfish. I wish I was married to a banker.
My parents leave on Sunday afternoon at two. My dad told me not to inform them via email if either of the pets die. I thought that was an incredible strange thing for him to say. How pessimistic. Apparently, when he was a year younger than me, he watched my mom's parent's dog and it got hit by a motorcycle. They did not inform my mother's parents until they arrived home from their vacation. My mum just kissed my cheek.
