2005-07-13 - 11:07 p.m.
When people say things like "I will never forgive myself", I wonder what they mean by that. Do they mean that what they have done is unforgiveable or do they mean that they will feel guilty endlessly?
I figure that people feel guilt, feel awful for things they do. I think it is natural.
The other day I was driving a little above the speed limit and hit a bird. In a puff of feathers, I ended a life that I never touched otherwise. Like a strange doctor performing an arbitrary proceedure. A cook adding a random ingredient. I felt attention but not guilt. I contemplated but did not mourn or cringe. There was shock, not emotion.
Looking back I realize how evil I really am.
Have I no soul?
How will I ever forgive myself.
